I live in a world where I can’t see the faces that I love. I live in a world where I can’t see the bright colors that are supposed to cheer me up. I live in a world where the darkness rules.
I can hear the people around me laugh, but the smiles on their faces will never reach my eyes. Not again. I can smell the sweet scent of the flowers, but I’ll never see their beauty. Not ever again. I can touch Joshua’s soft hair, but I won’t ever see his glossy black locks again. Never again.
I used to dream about being a painter, for I loved to paint flowers, just like Joshua did. Before he entered the monastery, Joshua always praised me for bringing out such vibrant colors on the canvas; and, in his paintings, I saw beauty brought to life. But now; now, I know that dream will never come true; I’ll never become a painter. I won’t even see that beautiful rose garden which Joshua tends to in his monastery, for all that matters, not even when I long to see it so much.
White flowers, he says, white roses of purity, but I can’t see them. There is nothing but blackness surrounding my every thought.
I live in my world of darkness and this darkness is consuming me, but there is no way to end it all. I know I’ll never see the bright light shining again, because…
I’ve given up hope. God will not come to help me, and now there will never be a spark of light in my life again. I won’t blame Him, there is no one to blame for this. This is fate. This is what life wants from me and it hurts. Life hurts me. It hurts to know that I, Lucas, was born to be blind.
And yet… though I have long since fallen into despair, I cannot forget that hand which still reached out to me, unwilling to let me loiter in the depravity of self-pity. She took me by the hand, and though I cannot stand on my own, she supports me; she leads me.
My thankfulness to her is eternal: her name is Sarai.